What to have for lunch...????

I am five months pregnant. Before I got pregnant I thought about what it would be like to be pregnant, then, when I found out that I was, I thought about what it would like to be more pregnant, you know, with a big fat belly and all that. Right now I'm thinking about having my own baby in my arms. But I'm pretty sure once I finally have my baby in my arms I will be thinking about how I will cope when he/she decides it's time to leave home.

Funny how very rarely we are satisfied with the present moment of life. We, or at least I, are always looking for the next thing. I don't know if it's just me but I tend to decide what I will eat for lunch while I am eating breakfast- well I say 'decide' but I am actually truly rubbish at decisions of all kinds so the reality is I merely think about it, ponder it, come up with a few options. You'd think, with the amount of time I spend thinking about what I will eat and when upon any given day, I would be able to boast a rich and varied diet and perhaps have written my own cookery book including all the fabulous new recipes I have concocted during these times. Unfortunately the reality is I usually just end up going with soup!!

There are lots of wise sayings about life being about the journey and not the destination, which when we read we all nod knowingly and say 'it's so true'. There was even that annoying x-factor song a year or so ago which reminded us it was really all just 'about the climb'. And we know it, we know it's the truth and yet we just can't help thinking about what's next.

What's with that!! I'm not saying it's wrong it just seems odd that we are wired that way. We always seem to be looking forward to the next thing. When I get here, or do that, or have the other, then I will be settled and happy and my life will be complete. Somehow we have to figure out how to enjoy now for all that it has to offer.

Unity Square- Timisoara

Right now in my life, I have just moved to a new country, I am learning a new language, I am making new friends, I am finding my place in a new church and a new city and of course I am expecting a baby. You'd think that'd be enough right.......... but for some reason I am spending all my time thinking about what it will be like WHEN I've settled in properly, WHEN I can speak Romanian, WHEN I have lots more friends, WHEN I am useful and indispensable in my new church, WHEN I know the one way system in my new city and WHEN I have my baby. I have so many hopes for my future here- I desperately want to have a purpose and be useful even if only in a small way. And that can only be a good thing right? But somehow my hopes for the future are preventing me from enjoying the present to the full. I should be enjoying settling in and finding my way around and learning about people and places and culture instead of fretting about how long the future will take to come about!!

So the lesson I'm learning this week is one which I really ought to have learnt by now. And to be fair I am generally doing quite well with it, I just have my occasional relapses and moments of panic. It's patience and trust that the future will happen despite of and regardless of how much time I spend planning it and fretting about it. And it's peace and joy and contentment in the moment that I get to live now. You only ever regret it when you look back and realise how good life was back then if only you could have relaxed and enjoyed it for what it was.

Timisoara Cathedral

So....... right now in my life I am sitting on my terrace, writing out my thoughts about life, in the hope that it will help someone else figure out their thoughts about life, watching my belly wriggle with life and making the most of the sun. This afternoon I have a language lesson to do but first its lunchtime and my soup is ready :-)!!