Hello Timisoara!!!!

We arrived in Timisoara at around 7pm local time on Friday the 18^th March. I'd love to say we were bursting with excitement or even crippled with fear because either of these extremes would have been easier to describe or explain than the general fuzziness and confusion we were actually experiencing. Arriving at the flat created similarly mixed emotions. The sight of five friendly welcoming faces was a genuine pleasure but the dirt and the dogs surrounding the place made me more than a little anxious.







As it happens we are very blessed to be living in a lovely new flat in a new block on the outskirts of town. Nonetheless the general state of disrepair in Romania can be a bit of a shock at first, especially when you are arriving at dusk on a cold, wet day and you've just spent a week in Switzerland (quite possibly the worlds most beautiful country and almost definitely the cleanest and tidiest).

Five days later and I am discovering that 'hello' is just as complicated an experience as 'goodbye'. It to, is full of contradictions. Excitement and hope at the prospect of new and positive experiences; fear, nervousness and insecurity about how we will fit in and cope with the new place or among new people. Since we arrived in Romania Lindon and I have experienced a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions; panic, excitement, fear, joy, regret, hope.

Luckily for us, the sun decided to make an appearance yesterday and as everyone knows, it's much easier to be positive in the sunshine. Regardless of the weather we are also blessed to have a great team of people around us who are helping and encouraging us and generally being friendly. Interestingly the other things that seem to be the most effective in helping us adjust to the 'new' in our lives is in fact the 'old'- the familiar. There is a mall near our home with shiny floors and food and clothes to buy, just like in England. The other night we even went to the cinema and ate popcorn and watched an American blockbuster- I particularly enjoyed the fact that while everyone else was having to read the Romanian subtitles, I could sit back, close my eyes if I so desired, and listen to the dialogue in my native tongue lol.

We have created for ourselves a little haven of familiarity in our flat with objects and pictures from home and these things are all helping our adjustment to the drastic changes we have experienced. We miss our families, we miss our friends, we miss our pets, we miss our view of the hills, we miss understanding more than 6 words of a conversation. We are adjusting to seeing dirt and poverty all around us, we are adjusting to stray dogs running all over the streets, we are adjusting to not being able to drink the tap water, and having to drive on the wrong side of the road. We are also adjusting to new people, a new culture and a new language. Saying hello to a new way of life, or a new job, or a new circumstance is not always easy. It often requires adjustments to our expectations, adjustments to our routine, adjustments to our character but if we can find the strength to be flexible there is potentially a whole world of new experiences out there for us to enjoy. We believe God has a plan for us to be here in Timisoara for a while, we don't know exactly what he has in store for us here but in focusing on his purposes we are finding the strength to be flexible.  

Sunshine, Balconies and Roaring Fires

I'm not sure what it is about balconies and verandahs that get me so excited but I just love them. I'd say it was the association with childhood sunny holidays in foreign hotels that caused this indiscriminate love but this seems unlikely due to the inherent problems of balconies in tents and the distinct lack of foreign travel (and consequently sunny holidays) that actually occurred in my childhood. Wherever it comes from my love of balconies is well known, at least to my husband Lindon. So much so that if they ever decided to make one of those 'don't tell the bride' type documentaries where the husband has to choose the family home without my input, Lindon would have hit the jackpot if he found a house with a balcony. It wouldn't matter how dilapidated the rest of the house was or how tiny the rooms, all he'd have to do would be to take me out on the balcony and I would be sold and everyone would marvel at his genius in making the right choice.

This morning I was lucky enough to be sitting on a balcony in Zurich, looking at the snowy Alps in the distance and feeling the warm sun on my skin. Three of my most favourite things, a balcony, a view and sunshine. There's something about these moments of pure pleasure and relaxation that restore and renew you in a way that nothing else can. The moments when you take a deep breath and everything is peaceful. The moments when you realise that there is more to life than all the chores and busyness of the day. The moments when you suddenly become aware that you are not the centre of the universe, in fact you are actually quite a small part of it, that the world continues to revolve even if you stop off for a moment. There are several situations that cultivate these feelings for me: sitting on a balcony (as i think i may have mentioned earlier :-)); looking out to sea; standing on top of a big hill; sitting in front of a roaring fire; lying on my back and looking at the stars; feeling the sun on my skin after a long miserable winter; a glorious sunset (and equally a sunrise though i admit to experiencing significantly less of these); looking around at a group of family and friends and realising there's no-where else I'd rather be. These are the moments when life makes sense.

These are also the moments when you start asking the right questions. Instead of asking 'what's for tea?' or 'what shall we do now?' we find room for the bigger questions- the important questions that somehow get crowded out and disregarded as we go about our everyday lives. It's in these moments, in the silence and the peace that we discover what's really important to us. It's in these moments that we become aware that we are more than just what we do and what we know. Our modern way of life has pushed God and spirituality out of our awareness. We scurry around, our busyness justifying our existence and giving us purpose but ultimately failing to fulfil our desire for significance and belonging. And then, every now and then, we stop. We see a fantastic view, we stop. We feel the warmth of the sun on our backs, we stop. We wrap our arms around someone we truly love, we stop. We stop, we take a deep breath  and we become aware of that simple truth that deep down we all know, and yet somehow we seem to be able to ignore most of the time, "There is more to life than what needs doing next, there is something bigger going on here."

These moments help us to embrace life. They encourage us to seek God, to seek purpose. They help us to re-assess our priorities and re-order our lives. They give us incentive to be a better person, a better wife, husband, parent. These moments are precious. Seek out the silence and the stillness and the deep breath moments.Walk up the big hill and take in the view. Sit outside on a clear night, wrapped in a blanket if you must, make time to sit still when the sun shows it's face. Ask the right questions and don't be too busy to seek out the answers.

Saying Goodbye

This week I have mostly been saying goodbye. Everywhere I go I am embarking on my last something. Yesterday, for example, was my last Sunday morning in bed, my last home-cooked Sunday dinner and my last service at church. Today is my last day at the cute little cafe where i work with some of my best friends and tomorrow is my last aerobics class at a school where I have been teaching fitness classes to the same lovely ladies for about two years now. Last week I suffered the trauma (and I am not being overly-dramatic here-it was horrific) of my last days, nights, walks, hugs and chases with my beautiful dog whom i have loved since he was born 5 years ago.

It's funny how all the everyday mundane things in life suddenly seem so precious when they are limited. Why on earth do i feel sad when i realise this is the last time i will clean the coffee machine at work? What is it about the fact that i no longer have to push the rubbish entirely into the bin to avoid coming down in the morning to butter packets and tinfoil meticulously licked clean and strewn all over the floor that makes me burst into tears. The very things that made me cross with the dog are the things that make me miss him. The things that have to be done all the time, the things that make life seem boring and mundane, these are the things that i suddenly feel so very sentimentally attached to now that i won't get to do them anymore.

I guess that's the positive side of saying goodbye. When you say goodbye you are forced into a recognition of  the good in your life. The people and things you see everyday, the journeys and jobs you begrudge, the clutter that messes up your house- these are the things you suddenly love when it's time to say goodbye. The other positive thing about saying goodbye is that it elicits such a great response from the people in your life. Suddenly everyone feels at liberty to say nice things to you. It's great :-) It's like you died and got to go to your own funeral (and thankfully lots of people came and everyone was nice- phew!)

We all have seasons in our life. We move home or job, we get married or have children, we sell the old and buy something new. Whenever we move onto a new season in our lives there's a few goodbyes to be said. No matter how much you wanted the bigger house with a garden it's kinda sad when you leave your old house for the last time. No matter how much you love your children you sometimes miss the way of life you said goodbye to when they came into your life (or so I'm gathering from the 'make the most of your freedom now' advice i keep getting from parents lol). But if you didn't say goodbye, if the fear of change or regret prevented you from moving into the next season of your life, you'd be stuck. You could be missing out on all sorts of new pleasures and joys and relationships if only you could pluck up the courage to take a risk.

Moving into a new season in your life is a risk. Saying goodbye to the old season is a risk. But as long as you are moving forward with your life and making good decisions then there is positive to be found, even in the goodbyes. This week I am wallowing in the familiarity and love of the present season, which is now drawing to a close. I am grateful to be forced into a recognition of the love and joy and beauty of the life i have been living. I am overwhelmed by the love and kindness that has been expressed by those living this current season with me. I am grateful for the positives of saying goodbye.

Next week i will mostly be saying hello (or Buna Ziwa). Next week i will be looking forward with excitement to the new season in my life and hopefully i'll get to experience all the positives of saying hello lol.

Hot Gossip

Well...........it's been a while since i wrote a blog. What can i say? Oops!! Not quite sure what happened there but it seems i lost my blogging mojo. Or at least 'temporarily misplaced' it since despite all signs to the contrary ...... i've not given up completely. I'm back!!!

Hurrah!! i hear you shout, "oh how we missed Sam's inane musings".

Well never fear i am committed to producing some more snippets from my relentlessly meandering mind for your reading pleasure. But first..... i have news......lots and lots of news......exciting news...... life-changing news....... news which will, in the long-run, give me a wealth of more interesting stories to tell than what happened on my most recent walk with the dog.

My news has two parts......... the first being that i am in fact pregnant!!! Lindon and I are having our very own cute, cuddly, mini me baby........ i'm actually hoping for a mini Lindon (of either the boy or girl variety) i've seen the pictures and he was SO cute when he was mini!!

So, very exciting, life-changing news i'm sure you'll agree. And plenty of good fodder for my overanalytical, philosophical mind to feast on over the next few months. Our baby is due at the end of July, which means i don't really have all that long to cook up a whole other life inside me- in fact, i'm going to be pretty impressed with myself if i meet that deadline. I am working very hard on it though- i have been eating extra yummy food and devoting myself to quality sleep time, not to mention getting my husband to spoil me at every opportunity. I'm a grafter, what can i say!

The second part of my news is that i'm moving.......to Romania! If you've read my blog before you'll know that Lindon and i went out on a trip to Romania in December. We raised money and collected parcels and goods to take out there to help some of the Romanian people who are struggling to get by. The trip was a great success- the people we met were so grateful for the gifts they received and all of our team were so grateful for the opportunity they had to help make a difference. Now Lindon and i are planning to go back out to Timisoara and work with the church out there that helped us organise our trip.

Lindon and I have always sought opportunities to serve God and in particular to follow after his plan for our lives. We believe in a God who loves us and cares for us and is interested in what we do. A God who, like any loving father has a good plan to see his children live good, happy and meaningful lives. We decided a long time ago that we wanted our lives to be directed by God- we trust Him, and we believe that following His plan will be the most fulfilling version of this life that we could lead........it might not always be the easiest, but it will be the best. Subsequently we always make all our decisions in life with this in mind. We actively pray and seek God and ask him what direction our lives should take, what does he want us to do? What's next?

We have felt God has been preparing us for a big change for a while now and finally we feel sure we know exactly what's next........Romania. It can be quite hard trying to explain to people why we are going.......the interrogators are a little harder to appease than they were 7 years ago when we said we felt led to go to Australia......funny how no one even asked for a reason then, 'of course you want to move to Australia, who wouldn't?'

But some things are hard to explain, especially if your trying to explain them to someone who doesn't understand the concepts you are using to explain your explanation. Having never experienced hunger or thirst of the life-threatening variety i find it hard to understand how anyone can drink their own urine or eat a raw skunk....... surely you would just wait a little longer til you stumbled across the next desert MacDonalds, there's bound to be one, they're everywhere right? If you'd never experienced love you would find it hard to understand all the crazy things people do and the massive sacrifices people make for the people they love........ you'd be all confused like Spock from Star Trek.... "but it's not logical???"

If you've never experienced a relationship with God, you probably think i'm a bit of a fruitcake talking about being directed by God to go and live in Romania. But hey ho that's the truth of it and maybe one day you'll come to your own understanding of the concepts i'm using to explain my crazy explanation.

Netbook Fun

Last Saturday i enjoyed a rare experience of what is commonly described as 'retail therapy'. I have never been much of a believer in the medicinal properties of shopping, mostly because i have never had access to enough money to feel simple joy and release when buying new things, my purchases, rather, tend to be infused with feelings of worry and regret.

On Saturday, however, it was different. This time i had money in my pocket that had no other purpose except to be spent AND the thing i was buying could not only be justified as useful but could also be considered a bit of a bargain.

The money had come from the belly of a yellow spotted elephant i keep on my bedside.In a flashback to the simple days of childhood spending i have been saving my pocket money. Spending was always so much easier when you were a kid, you earned it, you saved it, you spent it. It never entered your head that perhaps this money should be kept on one side in case the boiler broke or the exhaust fell off the car. If you managed to save £25 from your paper round (which believe me was no mean feat round our way.......our paper shop paid a whopping £3.60 a week for a paper round- that was 60p a day for between 50 and 60 papers- an hours worth of delivery- per day- six days a week- i believe we would call that child slave labour these days, in fact, i'm not sure why we didn't back then- it was only the nineties!!!). What was i saying?........Oh yeah so IF you managed to save £25 from your paper round then you had no qualms about blowing it all on that new babyliss product that must surely be the breakthrough you've been waiting for in hairstyling technology, the one that will finally give you the glossy curls you've always dreamed of. I'm afraid i was a bit of a sucker for the promise of the beauty section in the argos catalogue as a youngster, not a birthday or Christmas passed by without the receipt of a much requested and highly anticipated but eventually tragically disappointing electrical beauty product.

Anyway in an effort to rekindle this kind of guilt free spending i have been saving up little scraps of money i get here and there, namely the tips i get in the cafe two days a week and the money i earn from an extremely professional and important ironing service i provide for my sister-in-law. And so, many months of saving later and i have enough to treat myself to a new computer...... one of those cute little miniature ones........i believe the technical term is a 'netbook'. I love it!! It's black and shiny and makes cute little noises when you turn it on. Lindon tells me it's also a very good computer in terms of it's processing power yadayada but i've no idea really, it works........... and it's black and shiny!

The other really great thing about this computer is it's mine! I'm aware that this makes me sound very greedy and selfish but i don't really mean it like that. I just mean it's not the house computer, or the work computer or the uni computer. It's not full of things i don't understand or know how to get the best out of. The desktop is not swimming in icons that dazzle me and prevent me from seeing the only one that i want. It's not that i don't want anyone else to use this computer it's just that i really like that it's tailored to me. In fact, i'm becoming somewhat of a computer nerd now i have one of my own. Suddenly it occurrs to me that all kinds of things could be done on computer.......accounts, sermons, journalling, to do lists, christmas shopping (i've traditionally been quite attached to the old pen and paper).

I also particularly enjoy the miniature aspect of my computer. You can literally take it anywhere with you. I have acquired a new pink pouch in which to carry my shiny new toy and have subsequently taken it shopping with me twice. I have yet to actually USE it out and about but i am full of good intention. The theory, on both the aforementioned trips to the shops, was that i would get my jobs done in town and do a bit of computer work in a cafe and enjoy the change of scenery (not to mention getting to feel all important sitting in the cafe tapping away as if my work was so important that the world could not afford to wait for me to finish my coffee and get back to the office lol).

Many people have grown up with a picture of God that kinda resembles their parents dusty old computer which sits on a giant computer desk taking up the whole study. It's not really their's, and it's not really useful, except in emergencies. The bible paints a different picture of God. It describes a God who is personalised, who knows us and wants us to know him. It describes a God who can and will be involved (and indeed, helpful) in any aspect of life we choose to invite Him into. It describes a God who will go with us anywhere we go, whether we acknowledge Him or not. This miniature, portable netbook that is mine all mine has completely revolutionised my thinking about computers. I wonder if anyone is ready to revolutionise their thinking about God??

A stroll in the countryside.....

Last Saturday 7 friends and i walked the 3 peaks of Yorkshire. That's 3 mountains (perhaps officially large hills but definitely high- complete with their own weather systems) one after the other in a big loop totalling 25 miles!! The challenge is to complete the walk within 12 hours......but for some people on our team it was a challenge to get half way up the first hill so for their sake we just concentrated on making it round at all!!

Our reason for undertaking this seemingly pointless explosion of effort was to raise money for a trip we are planning to take to Romania in December taking food and clothes etc to distribute to those in need. Our friends had been generous and all that stood between us and the money we needed was one very early morning and 3 mountains. The alarm went off at 5am! At five thirty we were in the car and on our way to Horton in Ribblesdale- the dales village where it all starts. We arrived at 6.30am but by the time we finished faffing around, meeting up with the rest of the team, visiting the loo etc it was 6.55am and we were twenty five minutes delayed on our starting time. Nonetheless spirits were high as we set off into the grey dawn and up the first mountain. Pen-y-ghent, however, was not in such a great mood. The fog was thick and the winds were high when we got to the top, but with one mountain down and only two to go we were still feeling pretty confident about our endeavour.

Once we reached the bottom of the first mountain we began the treacherous journey across the bogs..... sinking, wading, leaping, slipping and falling- this was no stroll in the countryside. Thankfully the fog prevented us from seeing just how far away the second mountain was. We eventually reached our rest stop two hours later than expected. The second mountain, Whernside, has a more gentle ascent however the weather that greeted us when we reached the top was outrageous! Thick fog and gale force winds battered us as we tried to navigate our way along the ridge that runs along the summit. Walking sideways and being blown into the wall was exciting for the first 5 mins but after twenty it was no longer funny! Finally we staggered into the shelter that marks the top and hid behind the wall- Phew, 2 down!!

The descent from Whernside ought to have been a pleasure considering the hideous weather conditions we were leaving behind and the promise of being two thirds of the way there, but unfortunately injury struck! Hannah, who had persevered without complaint despite acquiring serious blisters within the first hour was now suffering with a serious knee injury and could hardly walk down the hill. Limping and wincing with every step i tried to help her hobble down to safety.

Enter the hero.

Feeling sprightly and good natured and upset that Hannah was upset Lindon stepped up to save the day. Knight in shining armour- he would give Hannah a piggy back down the hill! It was a lovely idea but unfortunately it resulted in a second knee injury and we had to leave both Hannah and Lindon with the support team at the bottom.

We were five now and we were tired. We'd been walking for 9 hours already and we still had one mountain to climb. With a distance still to go before we even reached the base of Ingleborough, plus a long long walk back to the car it was starting to feel like a bad idea. I was particularly worried about the daylight situation, we were never going to make it back before the sun set in 2 hours time, thank goodness i'd put torch on the list of important things to bring!!!

The ascent to Ingleborough is short and sharp.......at least it would have been short if we hadn't had to stop for a rest every three steps. The summit was, once again, insanely windy and foggy and so despite climbing three mountains that day we enjoyed exactly NO panoramic vista's. Instead we were lucky enough to receive an insight into what life would be like on pluto......cold, bleak and lifeless. It appeared that anyone else climbing Ingleborough that day had sensibly set off home a few hours ago to make sure they didn't get caught out in the dark.

We began our descent home feeling satisfied.....we had done it....... 3 mountains, one day......lots of money .....and all for a good cause. Now all we had to do was stumble back to the car and we would never have to use our legs again!!!

Unfortunately stumbling back to the car took forever!!

It was SO dark!!! You know when you go the the beach at midnight and it's completely dark. There's no street lights for miles and you look up into the sky and you go "woah"..... "look at all those stars!!!" As long as your lying on your back looking up at those stars it's beautiful right? But then you try and find your way back to the car and you can't see a thing, at all, and your stumbling and tripping and you can't remember where the path was.......

Oh well at least we had torches..........

Or so i thought........ Mine had a dead battery, Jimbob had dropped his on the way down the last mountain and it no longer worked, no one else had read the list of important things to bring and so it turned out that between the 5 of us we had my back-up emergency wind up torch and Steve's iphone. Brilliant!

It took some time and we got a bit scared but with the help of sonar technology (i.e Lindon shouting "hello" from the car and us walking towards his voice) we made it back. Thirteen hours and twenty minutes after we set off. Not exactly a world record speed wise but a world changing example of team spirit. We had helped and encouraged each other all the way and together we have raised about £1500, enough to make our trip to Romania a reality!!

In anticipation of our trip to Romania in December i have spent some time today looking at the country's history and current status on the internet. Previous to our recent plans to visit my only knowledge of Romania was the harrowing images of the orphanages, discovered there after the revolution, and broadcast on our news programs in the early nineties.

Since then Romania has undergone a dramatic transformation. It's economy has boomed and the cities and industries have grown. Romania is now classified as an upper-middle income country. However, this is not the whole story. Many people in Romania are still living in extreme poverty, struggling to satisfy the basic needs of their family; food, medicine, warmth.

http://www.networks.org.ro/

It's pretty depressing looking at the difficult circumstances in which some people are forced to live. And there's so much of it..... all over the world people are suffering in poverty and hardship. And you feel so useless- how can we possibly help them all? Our attempts to help seem so pitiful- like we turned up at an earthquake with a dustpan and brush.

The temptation is to bury our heads in the sand. It's so easy to do that living here in our little Western bubble. Feeling hard done by because we can't afford brand names or a fancy car. It's impossible for us to fully comprehend such lack when we're living amongst such plenty.

But incomprehension and feelings of inadequacy never got anything done. We may not be able to meet all the needs in the world but if we recognise at least one we can focus on doing something about it.

Our trip to Romania in December is not going to meet the needs of the whole country, it's not even gonna come close to meeting the needs of the city we are visiting. But hopefully it will make some small difference to the lives of the people and families we encounter- and if it does......it's still worth doing right???